Luuuucy...... I'm Home!!!

Definition of Photographer - one who practices photography; especially : one who makes a business of taking photographs. When formal training was never an option how as a photo enthusiast, hobbyist, aspiring photographer or whatever correct label we should go by, well.... how and when do you know those big wide gates have opened for you to join the elite ranks or is your name read from a sacred scroll letting you know you have arrived? Phone ringing off the hook for jobs, or piles of money? Personally I am waiting for the piles of money, need more equipment o_O Lots and lots more equipment.

At 50, I am finding myself pushing harder to learn as much as I can as fast as I can so I can get out there and join this wonderful beautiful race. As a budding watercolor artist and photographer my desire is to be able to one day sell or hang in a gallery. The thought of making money through a talent is something I am striving for. As a perfectionist the push for knowledge is a hunger, darn near driving me to insanity. From just about the moment I open my eyes in the morning, day in day out, all I see is light, shadow and color, photographs screaming all around me, "you missed me!!" Or the best one, "hey idiot, where is your camera!!". There is this feeling within me like a bubble ready to burst screaming to me, "You Are Almost There". If this was a real voice.. 1) I would seriously be concerned for my mental health.. 2) I would be screaming back... "Where!!"

Because I have been mostly self taught, I am not sure where gaps of knowledge lie or what I might be missing or what wrong misinformation am I relying on. My greatest fear is that I am chasing gold dust in a thunderstorm. What drives me is this undying passion to capture that uncatchable catch. To freeze a moment in time that says something about how I see the world that reaches into someone's soul and strikes a cord. The camera to me is not only a tool but a source of expression, without it I am not the same person. With it my wallet is a little lighter and this too is a concern and I wonder about this great expense I have chosen, what happens if I fail, what happens if this is nothing more than a pipe dream. Maybe I'm like the worst singer who only thinks they can sing, or maybe I am nuts.

So maybe this is the lot of the aspiring photographer, to become seduced by the lens, to seek yet fear the gathering of knowledge and to be possessed by the perfect capture.

I must give credit to my daughter for this amazing Leopard picture :)